It’s been a week since I quit my job. I wanted to write this follow-up to be able to reflect on how I feel now compared to last week and what new thoughts have come up after my first reactions after quitting.
Time and space usually help to take distance from things. They might even open up new perspectives on how one sees different situations and problems. So, how do I see my situation now?
The Relief, The Lightness
Those two feelings have been dominating the past week.
Merriam-Webster defines relief as following: ”removal or lightening of something oppressive, painful, or distressing”. And that’s what happens – a sense of relief comes to me especially in the evenings, when I realize I do not have to go to work tomorrow.
But, although relief is, in a way, a positive feeling, it is caused by something negative. Therefore I hope that the sense of relief will disappear in a while because that should mean that my focus will shift elsewhere.
The lightness comes to me in the morning or any other time when I realize I have all the time in the world to do what I want to do. But especially in the mornings, when I am able to modify my morning routines according to how I feel that morning and not feel stressed that I won’t be able to do everything I want to do this morning before going to work. Because that was how I felt many mornings during the time I worked, although I woke up three hours before I had to be anywhere (I will be talking about morning routines in later blog posts).
Physical and Mental Energy
When I came home from work I was usually able to keep up my energy through dinner but after that I had trouble staying awake. I was extremely tired, as if I had given every single thought to and consumed the whole energy storage inside me for work. And I probably had done exactly that. It maybe sounds good but definitely isn’t.
Today, it’s the seventh day of being able to independently steer my energy consumption, and let me tell you: it feels good.
First of all, the sluggish feeling I had in my body after work is gone. Before, going for an evening walk was only a reminder of how I wanted to do physical training but didn’t have the energy for it. Now I feel more energetic and comfortable in my body, feeling my muscles working and being able to focus more on my physical well-being.
And for the second, I have so much more brain power. At work I usually sat six or seven hours out of eight in front of the computer, editing sound or writing articles. It drained me from my ability to think more complex things and made me feel, well, ’brain-dead’ after a full day of work. I didn’t have the energy to read books or have proper conversations with my partner without falling asleep. Now I am able to do both.
And last night, me and my partner played a game of chess. I only learned the rules properly this summer so my main goal has mostly been not to loose too brutally, but only a little (mostly without success).
Previously, when I was working, I only had so much energy to get through a game but made unnecessary mistakes and didn’t have the brain power to think out a proper strategy. But last night I managed to play a game of chess that actually challenged my partner. It felt like a mental victory!
Keeping A Secret
However, quitting my job came with a price. I knew it from the beginning, which was one of the reasons why I found quitting my job to be so hard (more on it next week).
When I quit my job, I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell the real reason for doing it to my family. They would not understand the real reasons, or could not accept them to be real. So instead, I told them a version of the truth. That is, that I finished the six-week-internship and am now able to enjoy the summer for a short while before continuing studying for my Master’s degree. It was a truth, just no the complete one.
There is a part of me that wants to tell the real reasons to why I quit my job. But I know that it would create more trouble than the current explanation does. Because now they all think that they simply misunderstood my summer job – thinking that I would stay there the whole summer instead for only six weeks.
Although I have a few persons who know the real reasons for me quitting, it feels as if I am keeping a secret. It might drain me, or it might not, but we’ll see how I feel in the future.
So – What’s Next?
As I’ve written, I now have all this mental and physical energy, the feeling of lightness and the freedom to control my own time. So, what now?
At the moment, I am in the process of creating new routines for my days. I have my morning routines from before but now I am actively creating a working routine for writing and self-development. I am also thinking of how to develop my writing skills, how to become an author and, of course, planning the content for this blog.
At the same time, I am well aware of that change doesn’t happen in a day and introducing new routines takes time. So one habit, one routine at a time, I will aim to create a good and productive work flow. And the progress and my findings will be reported on this blog.